Diary

Still enjoying in gratitude for the session just now. The epitome of what tantra massage stands for: in full surrender through a range of emotions... She enjoyed, cried and laughed, completely in her body and feelings. Really wonderful to be able to experience such a flow as a therapist. Grateful for the trust she gave me, grateful that she felt safe enough to make the click and let go completely. Moreover, this was absolutely not self-evident, because she had had 2 unpleasant experiences with other (tantra) masseurs where her body had closed down. She was so incredibly grateful that she dared to take the step again, somewhere deep inside knowing, feeling and convinced that it can be done differently. Without wanting to come across as too spiritual: Thank you universe! 🙏

Wow, what a wonderful and interesting session I was able to experience today! Together with my colleague Saskia, we have just finished a duo massage with a couple that was very intense for both of them. The woman in question had heard about the benefits of tantra & yoni massage on the radio and in consultation with her partner she decided to experience this.

For a long time (20 years) she has been feeling pain during sex, which has gradually reduced intimate contact with her partner. For the past two years she has also noticed that the feeling of orgasm during masturbation is disappearing and is now completely absent. She feels that she has never really experienced an orgasm during sex. This probably has to do with her first relationship that went wrong in that respect.

During the worst periods she also experienced vaginismus and endometriosis as symptoms. Which made it even more difficult for her and her partner to enjoy each other's company.

She summarizes her 3 main complaints as follows:

• I have had two back operations in the distant past, in which several vertebrae were immobilized.
• I am a severe migraine patient. Fortunately, this has improved in recent years due to the right set of medication and injections. I suspect that this also partly impacts my libido.
• The general picture of fibromyalgia and CFS has also been established for some time now.

In the past year, she has worked on her self-image together with a walking coach who has guided her and her partner through a number of sessions. This has already created quite a bit of change for both herself and for both of them together, because they learned to communicate openly and directly about their feelings and emotions. They saw the tantra massage session as a next step to continue working on themselves.

And what a step it was!

During the session, I had the impression that she remained quite alert, but I could see from her eyelids that she was still experiencing an internal experience at times. When I asked just before the yoni massage if it was okay to continue, she asked if she could go to the toilet. She stood up quickly and after a while we could start the yoni massage. Step by step I noticed that she started to breathe more actively and towards the end I noticed again from her eyelids that a lot was going on internally.

When I ended the session and she opened her eyes, the bewilderment was visible on her face. She said that her whole body was tingling, except for her earlobes, as a funny note. Her body felt very heavy in certain places (in a positive way) and she was unable to stand up or even sit up. She said that all her pain had disappeared and that a lot had been released. The energy was vibrating through her body and she was literally still shaking, especially her right leg. She was also very warm and asked to take the towel off her again. I started doing stroking movements on the spots that were tingling the most to help her a bit. Her partner, who had just experienced a very emotional session in which sadness had surfaced, then helped her sit up and sat behind her for a while to support her and help her recover. This took a total of three quarters of an hour and after finally taking a shower, she was able to walk independently again.

Deeply touched, her partner spoke the following beautiful and pure words afterwards:

I came without expectations, but you still read about different experiences and hope that your experience will go in a certain way. I experienced it in almost exactly the way I had hoped, but much more intensely than I thought.

I had seen beautiful results before with women with fibromyalgia, where they even remained pain-free for days after the session. But the immediate drastic effect of this session was still new to me. The yoni massage clearly had very profound effects for her, as she had just stood up to go to the toilet without any problems. I wonder how she will experience the coming days!

Recently I had a new client come to me who had been abused by a tantra masseur in Flanders a few months earlier. It was the first time for me to hear someone's story directly as a victim in this way. Many clients who opt for tantra massage often have problems setting boundaries for themselves and easily fall into a pattern of pleasing. This client was someone who struggled with this and in my opinion the tantra masseur in question exploited this to the fullest and went way over the line in this way.

When she initially told her story, I was amazed by the fact that she dared to choose tantra massage again with a new (male) masseur. She described that she knew and was convinced that tantra massage can be a very beautiful experience and this prompted her to continue her search for it. During our conversation she told me how during the facts at that moment she disconnected from herself (dissociation) and hoped that it would be over quickly and that he would not ejaculate in her. It was only when he told her that the session was over that she came back to reality.

By talking to her further, I learned that she had told her story during a tantra workshop and that the organizer of the workshop also knew someone who had had a negative experience with this same tantra masseur. This other victim was someone who also gives tantra massages. Fortunately, she had indicated her boundaries in time, which meant that it did not escalate further. Because the client mentioned her name and the location of her practice, I suddenly realized that it was about a colleague I know. Then the memory came back to me that she had indeed once told me that she had had a negative experience when she had been a client of the perpetrator in question. This concerns someone she even knows quite well. She did not take any further action at the time because in the end nothing happened.

Under the influence/pressure of a few friends to whom my client had told about the incident, she eventually decided to file a complaint against this tantra masseur. Since the facts are still very recent, it remains to be seen how this case will develop further. The chance is real that there will be no concrete consequences or punishment of course, since hard evidence is lacking. It can wake up the perpetrator to take action and start working on himself and his problems. In the meantime, we know with some colleagues who it is about and it is not excluded that a dialogue and/or some kind of intervention will be set up.

It is unfortunate that such incidents happen, but of course it is not the first and I fear it will not be the last time. Some points of attention and tips that I would like to share with you and that can help you when choosing for tantra massage:

• If you are open to a woman who gives you a tantra massage, choose this the first time. You can ask her after the session if she has any male colleagues that she can recommend and trust.
• Ask other women at spiritual events or via social media (e.g. certain tantra FB groups) if they have experience with tantra massage and who they can recommend.
• If word of mouth is not an option, read the website, profile and testimonials thoroughly so that you get a better idea of ​​who the masseur is and how his clients experience the sessions.
• Choose a male masseur who remains dressed during the session. I do not want to criticize reliable colleagues who give the session naked, but a female client will generally feel more at ease and can go deeper into relaxation and surrender if the giver is not naked. If there is nothing about this on the site or the profile of the masseur, ask for more information about it!
• First ask for a telephone contact or video call with the masseur. This is much more personal and you will feel easier and faster whether the masseur can be trusted.

Recently, I have seen yet another confirmation of what tantra massage can bring about through valuable feedback from a client. For those who succeed in surrendering and letting the (sexual) energy flow through the body, there is a pattern of characteristics that returns afterwards and can be summarized as becoming more powerful as a woman.

The client I am talking about told me during the exploratory conversation that she has a depressingly small connection with her body and feelings, and experiences a lack of energy. She also has difficulty focusing on her work and she does not have the drive to go outside often in her private time. She wants to learn to change her hindering thoughts and is looking for supportive therapies to improve her life. When she read explanations and testimonials about tantra massage, it convinced her to take the step.

After her 1st session, she was completely overwhelmed and thanked me up to 10 times. The soft, loving touches were completely new to her and left a deep impression on her.

After her 2nd session she gave me feedback that after the session and up to 2 weeks later she felt that she had more energy, was more assertive in her decisions and went over her boundaries less (or at least was more aware of the moments when she crossed those).

After her 3rd session she let me know that she had experienced something very special towards the end of the session. Suddenly images of situations with people where she had gone over her boundaries came to mind. No nice, positive memories. At the same time she felt a power flowing through her at that moment, an awareness that she had denied herself during these situations. Nourished by this energetic, powerful moment she made the resolution that this cannot and will not happen again. The power she felt at that moment is for me one of the characteristic effects that tantra (massage) stands for. For women who easily fall into a pattern of pleasing, this can be extremely effective and meaningful. All the more so because during a session you only receive without giving (anything back) yourself.

For those who find this all a bit vague and too spiritual, I would like to emphasize that this client herself is absolutely not a "woo-woo type". She is a very down-to-earth woman for whom the physical sensations that a tantra massage brings are completely new. The images that came up during her 3rd session were not things that had recently been on her mind. So they really did come unexpectedly and from deep down.

In terms of depth, I often notice a big difference between the 1st and the 2nd session.
The 1st session is completely new and exciting. You don't know what's coming and are therefore still a bit on your guard. After all, you are in a new place with someone you don't know at all, so it makes sense that you don't feel 100% safe and don't trust everything completely.
The 2nd session is often a different story. Even though I almost always hear that you never get used to it and that it is always different, it still feels very different in terms of safety and trust. In a sense, you already know better what is coming or could come, which means that your mind is less occupied and you can get OUT of your head and INTO your body a bit more easily. In summary, at the start of the session, you are already at a deeper point of relaxation compared to the first session and you can therefore sink much more into yourself.

'Axel gaat binnen' has been mentioned several times by tantra massage clients of mine. The TV program with Axel Daeseleire has generated some new media attention. I think it is a very good thing that tantra is coming into the spotlight in this way. If a viewer feels that it triggers something in him or her, they will quickly turn to Google to find out more. In this way I have already had several new customers who felt called to experience what it can do for them.

Existing regular customers have also often watched the program and sometimes ask for my opinion about it. I think it is certainly admirable that Axel, being a public figure, has literally and figuratively exposed himself and shown his vulnerability and emotions. Tantra was depicted in a fairly raw manner and this was not done in an excessively positive or negative light.
What I did not like is that, in my opinion, the motivation for choosing tantra (massage) has been presented a bit too narrowly. I suspect that after watching some people may be of the opinion that you must have experienced something negative or traumatic that you want to tackle through tantra. As I describe below in 'Choosing for tantra', the motivation can also lie outside trauma. I am thinking of a lack of touch (skin hunger), personal growth or simply curiosity.

Recently, for the second time a reader's story from a customer appeared in Libelle, to which new customers have also referred already. This is of course also a nice form of media attention for tantra massage. Every little bit helps, on the one hand, to make tantra better known to the wider public, and on the other hand, to change the wrong or sometimes negative image of it in a positive way.

Recently a woman came by for a tantra massage session and she had only dealt with narcissists in her relationships. All this time it was always about her partner, without any attention for herself. There had never really been any intimacy and even sexually, everything happened with him as the center. As a woman, she could never have experienced the loving attention and gentleness that would nourish, awaken and allow her inner goddess to blossom.

When I heard her story, I already had a strong suspicion that the session could have a very big impact on her. She knew nothing other than giving, giving and giving again, perhaps often crossing her own boundaries. Tantra massage is a moment of pure reception, complete me-time where you can let your body speak in complete relaxation. I thought it was great that she was aware of this during our exploratory conversation. She had the intention to first work on herself, to heal herself before she would enter into a relationship with a man again and would very likely end up in the same patterns again.

During the session it was very nice to see how her body could become more relaxed step by step. This was also regularly noticeable in the moments of deep exhalation, where I could really feel and see the relief. After the closing she became a bit emotional and literally said thank you more than 10 times. The session was truly a revelation for her, a discovery of how things could be done differently. She also said repeatedly that she was completely overwhelmed and at a loss for words. We immediately set a date for a new session. Grateful that I can assist her on her path to learning to fully stand in her power as a woman!

After beautiful, intense energetic sessions I have often thought 'Wow, I really have to write something about this!'. But I usually don't do it for various reasons. First and foremost, words often fail to describe an emotional experience. On the other hand, I already have a lot of information on the website, and I quickly think that I will repeat myself.

Anyway, I'm writing now and I think some repetition could certainly be useful for some. Because after all these years I know that it can often be a barrier for women to choose tantra massage. Some have been toying with the idea for years and sometimes still decide not to do it and just stay in their comfort zone. Those who ultimately take the step almost never regret it. What's more, for some it is even a completely new chapter in their lives, a start or deepening of personal development and growth.

I am always curious how people come to me, what their motivation or reason is for choosing tantra massage. The great thing about this is that these reasons can be very different.

• Some of them come to address some form of (often sexual) trauma. They have little or no connection with their yoni anymore and tantra massage is effectively an excellent choice to revive and restore the heart-yoni connection. In this way, an energy flow can arise from the lower to the higher chakras, making you more active and with joy of life.
• Others come from a lack of touch, which is nicely called skin hunger. They are often single, or they are in a relationship that is not going well. This could be a total lack of intimacy (e.g. not even a hug now and then) or an experience of sexuality that is not satisfying. These sessions are often emotional (often sadness) because it is only through the loving, gentle massage that they realize what they are actually missing. At the same time, it often helps them to learn to stand in their strength as a woman and to know what they want and no longer want.
• Some who come by are already involved in spirituality or forms of energetic (body) work (e.g. yoga, meditation, ...) and are looking for further deepening and evolution on their path. They already have more experience with letting go, getting out of their heads and surrendering. These sessions can be very intense and are just about the pinnacle of intuitive massage, where I, as a giver, am often swept away too into a wonderful flow.
• Then there are also women who book a session mainly out of curiosity. They have heard something about tantra massage and are curious about what it can do for them. Their lives are going well, no major traumas that actively bother them, a loving partner with whom intimacy is largely good, not really actively involved in spirituality, but for example they have tried yoga or meditation.

Whatever your background or experience, a tantra massage session is always different and unpredictable. As a general rule and observation: The more you manage to get out of your head and connect with your body, the more energetic and profound the session is. Of course, this can only happen when you feel completely safe and can give confidence.

It is also not abnormal that tantra massage no longer lets you go once you have experienced an in-depth session in which you have been in surrender. I already have several clients who have now become tantra massage therapists themselves and can in turn add value to many people's lives. A profession that can also give us as a giver a lot of satisfaction!

How beautiful it is to see someone take steps towards more awareness and more connection with themselves...

A few days ago a customer came back that I hadn't seen for almost six months. She had gone through a marriage that had gone wrong and then decided to resolutely choose to discover herself. Session after session, the onion peeled more and more. Emotions were released and she got more sensations in her body step by step. But it was still difficult to stay completely with her body in all that it felt. I could very well notice that she sometimes completely dissociated during the sessions. At such moments she literally broke the connection with her body, only to be present again after, for example, 30 seconds. Like a flashing light, but in terms of (not) feeling.

During the session a few days ago, she told me that she had not been idle. She was really in an exploration phase, trying all sorts of new things. For example, she had participated in a retreat where she learned to take ice baths (via the Wim Hoff method), got to know breathwork, followed TRE (trauma release exercises), ...
And what really struck me during the massage... For the first time she succeeded in staying completely with her feelings. Every time it got too intense/hard, I noticed that she worked more with her breathing to get through it. The intense sensations, which she fully allowed, made it a very profound session. Beautiful to see!

It is a good example of the fact that tantra massage can be both the initiator of a journey towards personal growth and transformation, and a way to further deepen the journey you are already on. There are of course different roads that lead to Rome, and tantra massage can certainly be part of this in its own unique way.

Sometimes clients ask me what the massage does to me as a giver. Does it do nothing to me? Do I fully go along with the flow and energy? Something in between?

I don't think it's such an easy question. My job is primarily to make you feel safe. When you have more confidence step by step, you can also sink deeper and deeper into yourself and surrender yourself. I help you release and circulate your (life) energy in your body. I am a kind of anchor or support for you when your body's own happy particles let you go on a journey within yourself or bring possible emotions to the surface.

I read your body as best as possible and partly go along with the energetic flow, but on the other hand I also remain your point of contact with reality. For example, if you are experiencing an episode of sadness, you will not benefit from me experiencing it. On the contrary, then you just need a solid rock with whom, as said before, you will find support and who will not pass judgment on you.

When this is all very new to you, you are a rock-hard control freak, you don't feel comfortable, you experience too much stress, you just don't have your day,... it can be difficult to get out of your head and connect with your body itself. As a result, you will experience the massage more as a soft, loving relaxation massage, which is also completely ok! I always say that you need to see tantra massage as a process. I notice with repeat customers that they can always go a little deeper into their experience.

I always tell clients that I compare the massage for them as a recipient to a meditation. Do not respond to emerging thoughts and move your awareness back to your body, e.g. the place where I am massaging. Out of your head and into your body, so that you can turn deeper and deeper into yourself, let go and surrender.

When we come to this point during the massage, when the energy awakens and the body begins to speak, my moment of artistic expression begins for me. My structure and fixed movements recede into the background while I follow my feeling and intuition more and more. Then you are my living work of art.

My grandfather was a painter, my father makes sculptures. Maybe this is my way of expressing the artist's blood?